The Seussificaation of a Midsummer Night’s Dream Lines

N1: “Hello to everyone!” N2: Hey there & howdy!
N1: “You look like a smart group” N2: Not frumpish or dowdy
N1: “We’d expect nothing less from a group of your caliber” N2: You’ve come for a jaw-dropping culture spectacular
N1: “If culture’s your thing, there’s no need to be covert.” N2: Our show is five times more cultured than yogurt!
N1: “You’ve carefully placed your rear ends in the seats To see something artsy,” N2: And fartsy, and neat. You’re in for a treat because our group’s been crowned, The artsy-est…
N1: “fartsy-est” B: Troupe in this town! N2: We know what plays to high minds like you.
N1: “Something by Shakespeare would probably do” N2: What genius!
N!: “What art!” B: He’s the supreme! N1: Especially his B: A Midsummer Night’s Dream! N1: As comedies go, this one’s the greatest!
N1: “Except for the language he used ain’t the latest.” N2: Shaky used old words like: Thee, Thou, and Thine.
N1: “It’s hard to process that much old at one time.” N2: Those words were way cool, back half a millennium!
N1: “Now it’s just a pain to try understanding em!” N2: So we ran the script through the Script Squash 250
N1: “old scripts more nifty” N2: It tightens the plot which is kinda gigantic
N2: “much less iambic” N2: But there might be a miniscule thing to confess
N1: “little bit Dr. Seuss-esque” N2: Not that we’re trying to do that. Cmon! This play was insane before Seuss came along! So let’s go to Athens
N1: “is just slick” N2: The Duke’s wooing some hippie Amazon chick
H: “wooing not dueling”! T: I must win your love! Fairest Hippolyta, Amazon dove
H: “okay I quit” T: Ha! So I win! Now you must admit, This bumballoon dueling has solved our dispute. Admit that you love me.
H: “you’re kinda cute” T: Did you get that?
P: “Yes sir” T: Love’s sweet declaration, Her answer is yes, I accept your affection. Now let’s plan our wedding. Our sweet nuptial day.
H: “Our wedding?” T: Of course!
H: “Oh. Um, okay.” N1: Enter Egeus
N2: “daughter in tow” N1: And these two guys love her
E: “Who her father picks…or else become dead.” T: He’s got a point there, young Hermia lassy. It’s marry Demetrius…
Hr: “I can’t.” T: Why?
Hr: “I love Lysander.” T: I know you do, hun. But you’ll have to dump him or become a nun.
Hr: “A nun?!” T: That’s the first option. Option 2’s worse. I’ll give you a hint. You’ll go home in a hearse… There now, it’s not so bad. This will shape up! We’ll leave you two now, so that you can break up. Come everybody, let’s go plan my wedding! We need some activities!
N1: “met up in the woods” N2: We use that term loosely, cos they ain’t that good
N1: “that the Duke, for his wedding,” B: might enjoy a play
Q, B, F, & S: SPOOOOOOOKS! N2: Now that ain’t a ghost
N1: “No it ain’t” B: It’s a fairy. He’s not very spooky
N1: “But still sorta scary” N2: And that’s just because he can never be mellow
N1: “play tricks on folks” N2: And push his luck
N1: “since he likes hockey” B: His friends call him Puck.
N1: “He’s the king’s lackey” N2: And here comes the Fairy Queen. She don’t look happy. Her name is Titania.
N1: “The king’s Oberon B: But the two of them haven’t been getting along. O: Hey there, Titania. How NOT nice to see you.
Ti: “stinks to BE you” O: You took my last jar of fairy juice jam! The jam that I like with my sprite toast and ham!
Ti: “It’s what you deserve” O: Whoa there now, girly. Why be a mean fairy? When you married me, you signed on to obey me.
Ti: “with your Robin Badfellow” O: God ahead dance, dance yourself to a stupor
TI: “makes you the pooper” O: Laugh it up, baby, but I’ll laugh the lastest. Puck!
P: “Yes sir” O: How fast are you?
P: “I’m the fastest” O: There is a flower I want you to get. It lives in the fingle fruit fields of Barbette.
P: “fingle fruit flower?” O: No, indeed. Those flowers are purple. This one’s more…tweed. One squirt of that nectar in some sleeper’s eyes Will make them desire, full on idolize The first living creature they see when they wake, Be it a cow or a rat or a snake. I’ll serve Titania a helping like butter, Then laugh when I see whom she picks as a lover. Now hurry up, Puckster. Bring that herb to me.
P: “twelve seconds point three” O: Excellent… What? Who’s causing such trouble? I’ll just listen in cos I’m INVISIBUBBLE
Hl: “cut me some slack” O: A change for those two is what cooks in my oven. Tonight in the woods, he will beg for her lovin’.
P: “Boo!” O: Ahhh! Don’t do that! Do you have the flower?
P: “You said corduroy right?” O: Don’t mess with me
P: “Kidding. Tweed.” O: Get it right. Here you take half. I’ve got more work for you. There is a girl in the woods who is blue. She loves a man who will not love her back. Squirt this in his face. Get his heart back on track. Make sure she’ll be the first thing he sees. His heart will burn for her ten-thousand degrees.
P: “How will I know him?” O: His clothes are from Athens
P: “than wear what they wear” O: Thanks for that image. Now get out of here.
N1: “slipped her the tweedy love drug” O: When you wake up, you’ll meet your own heart’s delight. Call it revenge for our love spat tonight. N2: Then come the running lovebirds to the stage. Lysander got lost and they can’t find their way.
P: “new love software re-installation” N2: Not to be left out, here’s a new intrusion
N1: “cos he wrote a doozy” N2: We’re Seussless from Honolulu to Berlin As I play this jingle pink fur violin.
Ti: “Just follow me, dude.” O: I figure Titania must be awake presently. I wonder with what she is finding love chemistry.
P: “rump for a head” O: She loves a tush headed monster? You’re kidding! Revenge is so sweet when you know that you’re winning! Ah look, here comes that young Athenian.
D: “drain it by taking a nap” O: What have you done you half-witted hobgoblin?! Two people in love, cos of you, are not lovin! And this guy is loving the wrong girl entirely. To Helena he should be acting desirely. If I want it done, I guess I need to do it. Now go find that Helena. Find her! Hop to it!
P: “just as fast as I can” O: Dusty tweed flower from Cupid’s left pocket, Bring love to his eyes like a heat seeking rocket.
P: “drugged the first time” O: Is he kinder?
N1: “scurried around in the forest” N2: And nothing rhymes with that…
N1: “We checked a thesaurus.” N2: Puck laughed his head off!
N1: “But Kind Oberon said” O: I’m not amused.
N1: “clean up the mess that he made” N2: So Puck chased the lovers
N1: “wore them all out” N2: And then all at once, B: They all just passed out.
N1: “All except Puck, of course.” N2: He doesn’t get tired.
P: “I’m constantly wired!” N2: Puck took the flower of tweed and affection, And gave back Lysander his old love connection.
N1: “Nothing you’re hearing is dr. seuss sounding” N2: It might seem that way to a novice’s ear, but we’ve got the training B: And that’s why we’re here. N2: Titania and Bottom were more than befriended. She now loved a man whose head got rear-ended.
Ti: “Oh. Um, nothing” N2: And so the two slept in a way that was sleepy.
N1: “But Oberon said” O: This is just a bit creepy. Hey there, young Puck, we make a good team.
P: “I duped that guy good” O: Yeah, and I duped the queen. It’s that that her dignity was reinstated. She will no longer be infatuated With this foul beast. This whoosh bush tush man. I’m even with her now. Oh, and I got my jam.
Ti: “I didn’t love him!” N2: Puck took the bottom off poor Bottom’s head.
N1: “Then off he sped.” N2: Bottom woke up just as most actors do. Waiting to enter
B: “something sat on my head” N2: Morning had broken, like the first morning. A rinkle-rack rooster crowed out the first warning.
H: “asleep on the ground?” T: Let’s wake them up and find out what went down.
Hr: “Jeepers!” T: Why are you sleeping outside here today?
D: “That’s all I know.” T: You lovebirds all should get ready to go. Clean yourselves up. This is your lucky day. You couples will also be married today. A: Yaaaay!
B: “And our play is good!” N2: And all of them cheered.
Q, F, & S: Hip hip hooray! N2: And then they all listened.
B: “by Duke Theseus’ place” N2: The players high tailed it fast to their gig, As all of the newlyweds danced a quick jig.
N1: “But then the dance ended and they wanted more.” T: Philostrate! What entertainment’s in store?
Ph: “words from my throat” T: What? Is that all? These just don’t float my boat.
Ph: “how they got on the list” T: Is the acting poor?
Ph: “the acting is bad” T: Well, I’m in the mood for a bad acted play, How ’bout the rest of you? What do you say?
Q: “like every play needs” T: That’s good enough. Now kindly proceed.
W: “Whisper” T: I wish I could’ve seen that guy’s audition
D: “well-spoken partition” T: laugh
Hl: “This is great.” T: Yeah, let’s listen
Py: “How grim!” T: Since the wall talks, he should shout back at him. laugh
S: “Away I must go” T: Those two lovebirds should have waited I’d say.
H: “has just run away” T: laugh
Q: “don’t wet your pants” T: Here comes the lion.
Py: “die, die, die, die…” T: With the help of a surgeon he might yet survive. laugh
H: “lamenting moans brief” T: laugh
N1: “Wow! That was tragic!” N2: And comical action.
N1: “hoping for a good reaction” N2: We’ve stopped the play, just for a moment.”
N1: “Let’s see if they like it” A: clap N2: It looks like our actors scored big and then spiked it.
N1: “famous icons throughout Athens” N2: And introduced Athens to hip modern fashions.
N1: “packed all their bags and then moved far away” N2: They started a charity based in Nepal. It helps kids in love who are split by a wall.
N1: “All of the lovers became the new Dukes.” N2: Yes all four of them. It was kind of a fluke.
N1: “and won each election with tons of supporters” N2: Titania and Oberon moved to the lakes
N1: “But Puck made the switch that dumbfounded most all of us.” N2: He’s now a fairy TV show psychologist.
N1: “Shakespeare a tad clearer” N2: And as you can see, there’s no Seussiness here-er”
N1: “So what if we rhymed it and made up some names” N2: Don’t you think Shakey would have done the same?
N1: “Well okay. I guess we can admit a little” N2: Perhaps we were being a bit noncommittal.
N1: “Yes, yes it’s true. We just Seussified Midsummer.” N2: And if it ain’t seussed, you can bet that it’s similar.
N1: “But there is a moral” N2: A moral remains
N1: “We didn’t change it” N2: It’s still just the same.
N1: “It resounds loudly, and you might agree.” A: Lord, what fools might these mortals be!
August 10, 2019