Seussification of Romeo and Juliet – Narrator 2 Lines

N1: Dear Ladies and Menfolk! Women and Gents
N1: You’re people of culture and true common sense. You know what you know, and you like what you like.
N1: Like singing a song, or riding a bike. Two hour symphonies!
N1: Ping pong! Canoeing!
N1: Poetry! Football!
N1: Or yellow snowshoeing! We like that stuff too!
N1: It’s the greatest! You bet!
N1: And topping the list Both: Romeo and Juliet. N2: It’s Shakespeare’s great classic.
N1: We can’t get enough! But make no mistake… Both: Writing that stuff is tough. N2: Sublime in its scope, no thing is more artful.
N1: It deserves honors and lauds by the cart-full The play is just perfect.
N1: Nothing is wrong Except that it’s almost two hours… Both: Too Long! N2: The play is still great, so we need not repeat it.
N1: But you need to be Albert Einstein just to read it. Now don’t get us wrong, we love William Shakespeare
N1: But in this new century he’s not very clear. Yet only in reverence to him our great hero, do we pull ‘the bard’ back to our level, zero.
N1: We’ve shortened the play, changed some of the names, made it rhyme. No more of that blank verse, we don’t think he’d mind. A rhyming tetrameter is thought quite useful
N1: But could make the play sound a bit Dr. Seussful And what’s wrong with that? Why as sure as we’re standin’. Suess is good too, and most folks understand him.
N1: But don’t get the notion that the seussification of Romy and J is our one main intention. We’d never do that
N1: No we wouldn’t Both: Oh No! And that’s why we’re bothering telling you so. N2: A prologue is given to the top of the play.
N1: A paragraph giving the whole plot away. It must be important, there must be a reason. For Shaky to put it there.
N1: Less he’s just teasin’. Our Prologue’s addressed….Addressed! Our Prologue’s addressed, so lets watch and see…
N1: This lamentable Horrible!
Prologue: Never try this! Forget what you’ve heard! We’re trained professionals and we’re insured. Just a reminder – This interpretation takes nothing from Dr. Seuss as inspiration. Our thoughts are our own, as I stand alone, and I play on this xylophone, eight belled trombone.
Sampson and Gregory: Now to our anger you’ve added the fuel. Others joined in and some tried to make peace.
Benvolio: Allergens from the dead skin in my hat! A giant brawl started, you wouldn’t believe it! Capitulate and Monotone came to see it.
N1: Just thought we’d remind you before you go home. Meanwhile at the capitulate pad, there’s a suitor for Julie and he’s with her dad. The kid’s name is Paris, but he’s not from there. He’s from the suburb of Dollar Buck Square. Dollar Buck Square people have lots of money. ‘Cuz they never spend any. It’s kinda funny. They sew what they earn on the fronts of their skirts, on the fronts of their pants, and all over their shirts. They’re like you and me, and work hard at their jobs. And are twenty-two times likelier to get robbed.
N1: They had some news, and the two weren’t embarrassed. To blab all about the young gentleman Paris. Paris. Remember him with Julie’s dad? The guy who was cheap on dates he never had? He bribed her old man with a peppermint stick, and now Julie’s mother fell for the same trick.
N1: So if there’s a lesson young men, here’s a hint. Both: Parents of daughters just love peppermint.
Lady Capitulate: And try to be flirty No pressure there.
N1: Sage advice Helpful.
N1: Caring Both: And selfless concern for which shoes to be wearing.
N1: In Mom’s defense, the chartreuse shoes in question, have better arch support. And toe suspension.
N1: On their way to the party Benvolio and Romeo, meet up with their friend Clifford Deacon First Folio Carmichael Zanzibar Hoos Food Petruchio Zip Zip Shaband, also known as Mercutio. Now I think you can see by the point in the play, that there isn’t a singular possible way that our show has taken on Seuss attributes. We’d sooner put bounce berry beans in our boots.
Romeo: How can I leave here when she holds my heart, my imporantest, blood pumping, chest body part. Romeo’s kinsmen lost track of their coz. They searched because that’s what a good kinsman does. Both of them doubting what the other said. Did Romy go back, or did he go to bed?
Juliet: Just through the horn like you said. The curfew can only be broke when we’re wed. So Romeo ran to the home of Monk Larry. Mot monkey Larry, he’s not quite that harry. He’s just a monk, he’s the monkiest one that Romeo knew and could get the job done.
Monk Larry: Both of you make sure your rings are all switched. You may now kiss the bride, I pronounce you hitched. Romy and J were now happily married, they both yelled “hurray”
Romeo and Juliet: Hurray! And then off they scurried.
N1: Now in a dramatic piece this highfalutin, it’s hard to know just about where to be shootin’ for intermission. A break!
N1: Half time Both: Whatever! N2: Most actors just need to regroup to seem clever.
N1: Its good for the actors, and its good for you. If we turned the lights up, you’d know what to do.
N1: You’ve been well trained. Audience literati!
N1: You’d stand up You’d stretch
N1: You’d eat snacks Both: And go potty. N2: That’s just what you’d do.
N1: I’ll bet most of you would. Except for you folks who think this show’s TOO GOOD.
N1: Yes. The “this play is so awesome elite.” You are the ones who will cling to your seats. You love this story.
N1: And how we unfold it You won’t be standing up. Both: You’d rather hold it!
N1: No matter which viewer description best fits you. Sometimes the need for a short break just hits you.
N1: So we’ll take this time right now for intermission. It’s good to have breaks Both: But its mostly tradition. N2: So unwrap the candy and talk if you wanna.
N1: Or go to the lobby, and do whatcha gotta Just make sure you’re back here in a few minutes
N1: Cuz this show’s not done. Both: And you don’t wanna miss it!
N1: Ah there you are again Here we are too. We hope you’re all jazzed up for watching part two.
N1: Our actors have grouped, and then regrouped some more, to be three times more clever than they were before. It takes lots of work to be clever like that.
N1: It takes good nutrition and ten power naps. They’ve all been taking their Veggie Vim Vitamin
N1: It energizes the drama inside of ’em. So aren’t you the lucky ones watching this play. Veggie Vimmed actors are coming your way.
N1: But before we get rolling, it can’t hurt to emphasize. One of the main things that you should still recognize. In spite of its light verse and bouncing demeanor, from Dr. Seuss this play couldn’t be cleaner.
N1: There is no way we’d do something like that. That is why I must go feed my plaid quacking yak.
The Prince: I’ll banish young Romeo from fair Verona. As soon as I finish this slice of bologna. Romeo had to go skip town or else. The prince might find out and put him on the shelf. But first he met up with his newly wed wife. To tell her about his unenvied new life.
Romeo: I better skip town now before I’m imprisoned. We see her young Julie as she thinks and sits.
N1: Juliet pondered her new bride predicament. And Paris is still in the picture. Both: Significant!
N1: Over here we see Lord Capitulate talking with Paris. The famous cheapskate.
N1: The art of persuasion young Paris knows well. Or maybe it’s just bribery. Both: its hard to tell.
N1: Back over here is our sad Juliet. It’s about to get worse. But she don’t know that yet.
Monk Larry: And I’ll send him an email to Romeo dot com. The monk sent his email with details attached but Romeo missed it cause his PC crashed. He never learned Julie was faking disaster.
N1: Surely by now, you can see that it’s true, with Dr. Seuss our play has nothing to do. We’ll say it again, in case you were snoozing. it never dawned on us to make this a Seuss thing.
N1: Yeah, everybody should just try and chill. Whaddya think we like doing this drill?
N1: Some people are just Dr. Seuss superstitious. It’s enough to make trustworthy trusters suspicious.
N1: Later that night Juliet ate the nuts Then in the morning, she wouldn’t wake up.
N1: Meanwhile back on the beach of Kadid, We meet up with Romeo, thats where he hid. It’s not Daytona, Kadid is more local. This beach is known to be way anti-social.
N1: People will gather in groups to go swimming. Or boating
N1: Or fishing Or sticky stone swimming
N1: But they won’t say a word. Out on the boardwalk people will hang out, do stuff. Both: And not talk. N2: Kadid is the quietest beach on the planet.
N1: If you make a peep folks will tell you to can it. Benvolio found him there, sunning himself. Disguised as an “antelope sunbathing elf”
N1: Romy was startled. He hadn’t a choice. It had been so long since he heard a voice. It couldn’t have been so long, maybe a day. Don’t ask me, I didn’t write this dumb play.
VFTL: Hey! There’s snacks in the lobby. Romeo’s entrance was not so aesthetic. He ran all the way.
N1: That’s because he’s athletic. Kadid isn’t close. He ran a great distance. And he didn’t stop. This dude’s got persistence. It would have been nice if he got the monk’s email.
N1: He would know Juliet’s not a dead female. But he thinks she’s dead like the others all do. Maybe this wasn’t the best plan. Both: Who knew?
Romeo: I’ll eat this cracker, then I’ll be dead too. Now there’s a reason his life isn’t halting.
N1: cause we switched his death cracker with a plain saltine. We’ve read this show, and it don’t end pretty.
N1: So we tweaked the plot a bit. Made it less gritty. Juliet woke from her death grip like slumber.
N1: And thrilled, Romeo did a backflip dance number. Mercutio and Tybalt weren’t really dead.
Monotone: Wow! We were dummies! Long years of bitterness melted away.
N1: Now they had nothing but nice things to say. Compliments flew!
N1: There wasn’t anyone left who felt bugged. So they all partook of a giant group hug. All: Group hug!
N1: It was official. The feuding had ended. The lovers kept loving and the families befriended. Everyone sold all of their bumballoons, and with all the money they bought a pontoon.
N1: And now every night with the fish and the ducks, they all eat together at pontoon potlucks. Now, you may have noticed that no one here died. What!? Can we help it if our Prologue lied? But, come on! That’s no way to end a good play.
N1: Dr. Seuss wouldn’t, I’d venture to say. That’s right, he wouldn’t, and neither would we. Even though our play is Dr. Seuss free.
N1: Well okay, it did have a few small Seuss-isms. Some overblown rhyming, and minor plot schisms. This stuff is dangerous.
N1: It shouldn’t be tried To interpret William Shakespeare….Seussified.
N1: Leave that to the artists, they’ve had the right schoolin’. They are the pros. Both: And they know what their doin’.
N1: We hope you’ve enjoyed this tragic lament. Cuz we’ve all enjoyed it.. All: One hundred percent!
This Is Option One for the ending. If you wanna go to option 2 skip to number 99
N1: Ladies and Menfolk Women and Gents. Both: Romeo and Juliet! Our Prologue’s addressed!
N1: Sneezle Fruit Juice! No Dr. Seuss! Suitor for Julie. He’s with her dad.
Lady Capitulate: Of course it is girly, you’re marrying Paris. Zip-zip-sha-band also known as Mercutio
Romeo: Kiss me through the horny-o Romeo ran to Larry the monkey!
Romeo: This new girl I found passed the hot mama test! All: Yippy, okay ei yay!
Monk Larry: She looks good. Marry her. I now pronounce you hitched. Mercutio and Tybalt were up to no good.
Monk Larry: Not if you’re dead. Eat these nuts! Romeo’s PC crashed!
N1: Romeo danced! And not even once died. Nobody’s dead! Their all still alive! Both: Group hug!
N1: We hope you’ve enjoyed this tragic lament Cuz we’ve all enjoyed it. All: One hundred percent.
Second Ending You’ve been warned
(delivering lines as if listening to a tape backwards) All: Faster and Backwards! Percent hundred-one. Both Narrators: Hug group.
Paris: Hot I’m Capitulate Dad her with He’s. Julie for suitor.
Prologue: Place the Verona’s Both Narrators: Addressed Prologue’s our, Juliet and Romeo. N2: Gents and women.

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